Author: Kelli

A few weeks ago I was at the store, rushing in on my lunch break quickly to grab a few needed supplies for my daughter’s birthday party the next day (because sacrificing a meal is much easier than dragging 3 kids to a craft store at bedtime). I was trying to focus on the task at hand, but on my way back to the needed supplies they had all their pictures and decorative things (yes I have not idea about decorating so forgive me) half off.

I do not have much extra money these days and feel that all I do is worry about how to save money here and pinch there and so on and so on. I couldn’t resist perusing all the quotes and sayings. There was on picture frame that had spaces for family pictures with a great quote, “Family is a blessing we get to keep forever”. I loved that quote and frame was the size I had been looking for. I saw the price tag and thought, well I might be able to afford this at half off. It would be so perfect. Then I kept looking and saw this cute little canvas:

I knew I needed that. It suddenly was the best part of my day. I reflected on sitting in my living room, trying to focus on this or that and seeing toys everywhere. There was no place for them, no play room, no extra space. We now have a play room, we have a place there that sign can hang proudly and the mess can be there. It can stay there.

I have been supremely overwhelmed lately. I feel that no matter how hard I work, there is always more to do. If I get one task accomplished there is 10 more waiting for me. I focus on feeling like I am not doing enough or keeping things together enough. The play room reminds me, it’s alright if things are messy sometimes. It is alright if it’s not all together.

In our house the play room is the place to make a big mess with toys. We all need to have a place we can make a big mess with toys, where is yours?

I find it crazy how something as simple as mint chocolate chip ice cream and spark so many emotions. When I was sick a few weeks ago I asked my husband to get some. However once he got it I instantly did not want it anymore.

When I was growing up my dad always made sure we had some in the freezer. He knew it was my favorite and especially in the summer I could eat it every day. It was my favorite food of all time. After he passed away he even delegated the task of providing me with mint chocolate chip ice cream to my uncle. He would buy it for me all the time and at times he even went overboard and I would have 3 containers at a time! It gave me comfort and for the longest time it still was my favorite food.

However as the years went by, all I could think about when I saw the lovely dessert was how he wasn’t there anymore. He would never be taking care of me anymore. He would never be able to get my kids ice cream and they would never even get to meet him. He would never get to cheer on Aaron’s soccer games, help Lauren with her advanced science projects that he was so good at, or get one of Dylan’s one of a kind hugs.

It is now a love hate relationship I have with that darn ice cream. Tonight as I have been missing him so much it was a comfort. I scooped up a big bowl and enjoyed every bite and thought about how lucky I was that he was my dad. It certainly never gets easier to not see him, but I have to take comfort in the fact that I have those memories of a dad that loved and cared about me.

I was always sad growing up that I didn’t have a sister. I wanted one really bad. I figured if I had a sister I would always have a best friend and someone that I could talk to that would listen no matter what and not think I was totally crazy. Or if she did she would still love me anyway. I wanted someone that could help me pick out clothes and do my hair, because I am obviously not the best that that.

Instead I only had a brother. He did not help me pick out clothes, or do my hair. But, he taught me how to play football and basketball. He taught me how to not be afraid of spiders. He taught me how to fight, and he would have late night talks with me when I really needed them. We did not always get along and for awhile we barely spoke, but no matter what, if we were in trouble the other one was there. I am still a little sad that Lauren doesn’t have a sister either, but like me, she has brothers, and not just one, but two. Also like me (thank you Mel), she already has good friends that can do her hair and give her clothing advise because again that is not me.

So with all this talk about brothers, I have to share some pics I have been collecting of my two that are lucky enough to each have a brother that they can go through life with and share all those boy things with. Here you go-They may kill me if they ever see this:

And because they do this all the time no matter what, they now get to sleep in the same room with separate beds (thank you Nancy), however I’m pretty sure they still end up together most of the time. I’ll update you via pictures once I complete a thorough investigation on this subject.

As all parents know, and as I’m sure I have said a billion times, being a parent is hard work. It is the toughest job I have ever done, or will ever do. Recently one of the tough parts is trying not to doubt yourself. Doubt can be dangerous, but powerful. For me, trying to not listen to everyone else and listen to myself is hard. I always think someone else knows better.

Yes, someone else may know better how to fix a healthier meal, hem pants, create a fabulous science project, or an infinite number of other things. However, no one else knows better how to be my kids mom than I do. I have to rely on the fact that I see them every day. I see their very best moments, and their not so great moments.

Lately I have had some good mom moments. My 7 year old has finally been opening up. He always has trouble talking to people, he would probably be fine not ever talking to anyone, but lately he has been interesting in making friends. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me, a real hug! Of course no one else was around and it was only for about 4 seconds, but it happened. He has also started taking care of his little brother, instead of just being mean to him. He plays with him, helps him get dressed and shower, and teaches him how to play. Now it’s not perfect, they fight, hurt each other, and say mean things all the time, but there is more good than bad at this point.

The 10 year old starting to listen and is trying to be more responsible. She is being considerate and realizes that she has to focus in order to succeed, and her room has been clean for 2 weeks now, but who’s counting?

The 3 year old, well I have been doubting my decision not to put him in speech for some time now. I kept telling myself that he was not like his brother and just needs time and practice to talk the right way. It is working. His teacher at school said that he is getting better. She can understand him more and other kids are able to understand what he is saying.

I have realized that there is no place for doubt in parenting. Yes, we will all make mistakes, but just learn from those and celebrate the victories, even the smallest ones because they can mean the most.  I’m going to remember the day my son wrote in his calendar, “Love you mom and dad”. I will remember it when he teases his brother on purpose, or refuses to read. I will remember that the 3 year old told me I was the best mom, and I will remember when my daughter said “thank you” when I brought her the lunch she left on the table.

I have to say this week has not been ideal. I have had 3 coworkers all deal with the death of fathers or father in laws. It takes me to a dark place every time, EVERY TIME. So now I need to lighten the mood here.

Something else that happened this week was the Dill Pickle we all know and love started preschool. He came home the first night singing his new favorite song, “wheels on the bus”. He also made a life sized poster of himself, equipped with a Ninja Turtle shirt and all. He also told me today he was bad 2 times. He uses his first, second and fourth finger to show the number 3. He made a smiley face with pasta and when his sister thought he had pasta for lunch, he said, “no sissy, I make smiley face with them”.

We have also been working on him talking better, so we practice. He can say, ridiculous clear as day, but ask him to say stop it and he responds, BOP IT every time. Bop it. So I end this with some cuteness to make us smile as well as this simple phrase to sum up how I feel about all the bad news lately, BOP IT!

I have had a lot of ups and downs this week. Saturday we had a great time at soccer for my littlest guy. He had a rough start, but he scored a couple of goals and then we saw his signature happy dance. Who knew he was such a dancer.  I wish I got a video, maybe next time.

We also went to the fair. It had some totally awesome moments, like when my 7 year old who only had a few tickets to ride rides with, would not let the line move until the worker took all the tickets needed. The worker only took 2 of the tickets instead of 4 so he could have very easily just taken those tickets and saved them for another ride, but he did the honest thing. He used his tickets to ride with his little brother and was very attentive to him.

At one point said 7 year old actually took my hand and walked with me for awhile. For any of you that are not aware, 7 year old boys do NOT hold hands with their mothers in public. I need to remember times like these when I get so mad that he will not listen or do his homework. Remember Kelli, remember.

Sunday the brotherly love continued. I was shocked when the 7 year old played games with his brother, taught him a little soccer, and even read stories to him. They watched a movie together and when the little one fell asleep the 7 year old then went to watch his pre-season football game he had been wanting to watch all day.

My daughter also cleaned her room, I really almost fainted, and the husband made room for my car. Sunday things were sure looking up for me. I got to go to bed at a reasonable hour, and I even got a little bit ahead for the week with work.

For most people, they would tell me that was nothing. Each of these things are small victories in and of themselves, but when you put all these things together, they are HUGE to us moms. HUGE!

You remember when I got a new house? It was glorious. I had clean everything and no marks or scratches, it was fantastic. Then Monday my son decided that my house was just too awesome and he totally flooded the downstairs. I cried, he laughed, my husband sucked up water.

It’s now Friday and we still have the downstairs in shambles. It’s frankly disheartening. I could not have anticipated that would happen, but I still feel solely responsible for my pretty new house to be a pretty big mess. On top of that, anytime you are dealing with these type of things there is always an unexpected cost involved. So for us, it means telling the kids no to certain things and maybe next year to others. I pretty much have felt sorry for myself all week. I have found excuses for being down and that I “deserved” to be upset.

However I also remember times things were “really” not great. I remember the loss of family, the times when I didn’t even have the money for a hot dog, let alone a dehumidifier or whatever it is. I remember that before I took my new job, there would be no way I could have fit, ‘sucking up water” into my daily to do list. I will now always remember the time that Dylan flooded the downstairs of the house right after we moved in, and the time he drew all over his brother’s room. I kept saying the house did not feel like home, and well, memories to me are something that makes a house a home. So I am going to stop feeling sorry for myself and realize that one day, one day, we will be looking back on this and laughing.

Take this lesson people, be careful what you wish for, you never know how your wish may come true.

(at least he’s cute, right???)

I am not thrilled that school is starting tomorrow. I have not had enough time with the kids and I feel we did not have enough fun to carry us through this next round. With that being said, I have no fear or anxiety over them actually being at school. I have been  blessed with great teachers each year for my kids. I may not have known any of them before my kids entered the classroom, but by the end I knew them and knew they loved my kids.

My son’s first grade teacher had a son at the same camp as AJ last week. Her son was doing the 1 hour class and my son all day. A storm came up after I had dropped him off, which took all the boys to a little tiny shelter. I arrived to get him a good 15 minutes after the camp had been called off. His teacher was still there in her car and was about to take him home with her so he would be safe from the lightning and hail storm. She stayed and wanted to take care of him even though she had no obligation and her own child in the car. That may just sound like something anyone would do, but it made a difference to me.  My daughter’s kindergarten teacher still supports her even if it is not so obvious when she gives her a note at the play or waves or talks to her when she sees her. Her fourth grade teacher sent her a letter over the summer to let her know a gift Lauren gave her was being used and appreciated.

For the first time in the whole 6 years Lauren has been at her school, I have never questioned that she was in the right place. I have to admit this year I did. I was sad and upset that she was not going to get to spend her last year in elementary surrounded by her friends she has been in class with since 1st grade. I knew they were all going to be split up in 6th grade, and I wanted to prolong the agony of making new friends and feeling uneasy for just one more year, just one. However today her teacher called her to welcome her to 5th grade.  The teacher took the time to call her, and I’m sure the entire class to welcome them and let them know she was thinking of them.

You non parents may not think this is a big deal, but for me, it is a huge deal. Every parent wants their children to have the best. I have no more anxiety on whether or not Lauren will be ok tomorrow going into 5th grade having to start over, I know she already has someone looking out for her and know that I, again, have a teacher that cares about and will do all they can to help her succeed.

I hope I’m not the only one that does this, but when it’s your birthday and you have to write the date, you start to right your birth year, not the current year. Am I the only one?

Anyway, that happened while I was with a client today, so I told her it was my birthday. She then asked my age, I told her, and she told me she thought I was going to say much older. Lovely, now not only do I feel old, but I must look it as well.

Besides that, no birthday donuts, and not being able to sleep in, my birthday was pretty fantastic. I got a visit from a good friend who surprised me with a wonderful gift! I saw a friend I haven’t seen in awhile, had multiple calls, text, emails, and messages. My children acted normal for once and even convinced their dad we needed pizza for dinner instead of what I was planning on making since it was my birthday. They are such givers!

Getting older is not that awesome, all of you helped making getting older a little more bearable!

All week long I have been thinking, did that really just happen? First on Sunday my lovely 3 year old took neon yellow nail polish and painted all over my daughter’s wall. He then found a pen and drew all over the living room wall. I knew flat paint was not going to be my friend, but I had been so careful to put up all the pens out of reach. I did not realize the husband and not had my same thoughts when it came to the pen, and my daughter when it came to the nail polish.

Needless to say I am now saving up for paint, not flat paint, stain resistant at it’s best. One of my clients even said-maybe would should just get that paint that the kids can color on, like chalkboard paint. I am about to consider this option. I know he is only 3, but I had not had these super creative moments to this extent with either of his siblings.

The next thing that made me ask, did that really just happen? Was when my workload doubled overnight. I not only had more cases at one job, but I also was asked to teach more classes at my other job.  I was hoping that it could have only been one or the other not both.

Today I was asking the question when I was sitting in the immediate care listening to the doctor tell me that my son’s thumb was in fact fractured, even though it was small it was fractured. He stated that it should only take a week to heal, but if not he would need to see a specialist. Also today my 3 year old took his first tumble down the stairs. Again, really?

I may ask that question, but I know the answer, it did happen, it will continue to happen, and may even get a lot worse. However, I have 3 healthy kids and jobs that do allow ME to be the one that can hold Aaron’s hand as he gets a splint put on, cuddle the crying 3 year old that fell down the stairs, talk to the 10 year old that had a rough day, work 14 hours one day in order to make an awards ceremony the next. It is not all roses, I may also be working a holiday or a weekend, but when I am most needed, I can be there. And those extra classes, they can pay for that paint touch up.  I can sleep when I’m retired-right?